Why don't boys understand clothes?

In the last two days, I have had these conversations with the males in my house.

Conversation with my 8 year old:

Me: "Try these new clothes I bought you."

8 yo: "Do I have to? I don't need any new clothes."

Me: "Honey, you don't have enough clothes, and we don't wear dirty clothes."

He agrees after more grumbling, except then says things like this:

"These pants are too loud."

"These pants are too long and get caught in my shoes."

"These pants are too short and go up my bottom."

"These pants are too loose and go up and down when I run."

"This shirt's sleeves are too short. See how when I raise my arms above my head the sleeves go down my arms?"

"I don't like the stripe on here."

"This tag really sticks me."

Me: "Fine. I don't care what you wear to school as long as it doesn't stink and does not have stains on it...so just pick something out."

Conversation with my 9 year old:

Me: "Did you get that shirt out of the dirty clothes?"

9 yo: "Yes."

Me: "Why don't you wear a clean shirt?"
9 yo: "I don't have any. They are all short sleeved."

Me, after looking in his closet and finding five very cute striped long sleeved t-shirts, four of which would match his grey athletic pants very nicely: "You have five long sleeved CLEAN t-shirts in your closet."

9 yo: "Those are NICE shirts...they don't have anything 'cool' on them."

Me: "Fine. I don't care what you wear to school as long as it doesn't stink and does not have stains on it...so just pick something out."

Conversation with my husband:

Him: "Does this jacket go with these pants?"

Me, eyeing the garment in question: "How long have you had that?"

Him: "I haven't worn it in probably five years..."

Me: "No. How long have you HAD it?"
Him: "Oh, at least 10 years...but does it go? What?"

Me: "It doesn't look right...does it even still fit?"

Him, turning in the mirror: "Well, yeah...see?"
Me: "Um...no. What do you usually wear with those pants?"

Him: "They have a jacket that goes with them."

Me, bewildered: "Why don't you just wear that?"

Him: "I don't know, I think the jacket is at work. So no to this jacket?"
Me: "You are not wearing that."

Him, sighing: "Well, can I still wear this tie?"

Me: "No."

Him, big sigh. "Well then you have to pick out a tie!"

Then after a brief pause..."so this (holding the jacket from which I think is from the early '90s) goes in the give-a-way pile?"

Related:

January 28, 2010: Pick Your Battles