Sunday, December 13, 2009

"Why is there underwear in the CD player?"

I was prompted to write this post after recently asking this question:

"Why is there underwear in the CD player?"

Upon asking the perpetrator why the underwear was in there, he replied by giggling, uncontrollably.

It got me thinking of things I thought I would never say, and things I thought I would never do before I had children.

Before kids, I would see parents in the grocery store with their dirty, crying kids and would think "How hard is it to wipe a kid's mouth before going out in public?" Or, upon seeing a child throw a fit in a restaurant, "my kid will NEVER act like that."

Oh, how times have changed.

I thought I would never say:
"We do not hide pretzels in our pants."

"Well, you're just going to have to sit in it." (During potty training.)

"Please don't wrap the seat belt around your brother's neck."

"We don't eat ornaments off the Christmas tree."

"We do not throw golf balls/goldfish/LEGOs/buttons down the vent."

"The rings on your sleeves do not make your arms hard to move."

"I don't hear a distracting fly buzzing in your room, please go to sleep." (At 2 am).

"Don't unscrew your closet door knobs."

"Just find something to wear out of the dirty clothes."

"Please aim IN the toilet."

"How can your pants be too 'pinchy'?"

"You have to blow your nose, it's just part of life."

I thought I would never:
Let my Kindergartner wear the same outfit to school, three days in a row, with stains on the shirt.

Take my child to Wal-Mart with a dirty face/clothes. I swear it was clean five minutes ago.

Give in to whining. Sometimes it just has to STOP.

Drive around with a "little potty" in the back of the van.

Carry Super Friends underwear in my purse.

Let my child go out in the cold with no coat or shoes.

Drive around in the middle of the night to lull a baby to sleep.

Go into a liquor store visibly pregnant with an infant and buy booze. (Not for me.)

Bribe a child with food.

Calmly drink wine on the deck while my child "cried it out" at night. (OK, I wasn't calm.)

Be so excited that it was NOT my night to feed the baby.

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